Wyatt Ryan 9/8/22 Wyatt Ryan 9/8/22

Life After Death

Content Warning - Death

I’m sorry if the writing is a mess, I was crying for most of it.

I just spent the last week in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 890 miles away from where I currently am in Minnesota, celebrating the life of a musician I only met twice. I saw Mac Miller in concert three times before he passed, and I’m thankful for every single memory, photo, and video I have of those experiences. There were hundreds of people across North America there, all for the same reason: to celebrate his life and our shared experience with his music.

It was an insanely powerful experience from start to finish, and I met people that I’d known online for upwards of three years. We came together as a group of fans, and left as a family (cheesy I know). I had the fortunate experience to photograph a lot of it. From moments of friends reuniting for the first time in a year, to people so encapsulated in the music they were blaring through Blue Slide Park that their existence in that moment was the only thing that truly mattered.

Everywhere you looked, there were people laughing, crying, and smiling about the grand event they were experiencing in real time, right in front of them. People from all walks of life coming together to celebrate one person and all the art they created throughout their lifetime. It’s hard not to smile about.

I’ve learned over the years that photographing things like this event, to tiny moments in simple life can be a comfort long after moment has passed. I’ll be looking at these little snippets of my life until the day I die, appreciative for my chance to finally go and experience it myself. I’ve looked at pictures of my friends I’ve taken, and come to appreciate them even more after I’ve had some friends pass.

Like the pictures or videos of Mac I took a long time ago, I visit them time and time again and try and relive those moments as best as I can possibly muster. Most of us have unfortunately experienced the death of a loved one, close friend, or pet, and that pain never truly goes away, the empty space and sharp pains just dull to an ache.

After spending an entire weekend celebrating the life of one person, I couldn’t help but think about another.

When I dropped out of school back in 2016, I moved back to Rochester, and cut off pretty much everyone I was close with. I was struggling with my mental health severely, and at the time, I don’t think I wanted to bother them with it. Michelle and Dustin took me under their wing pretty much as soon as I moved to Mankato. Michelle got me into rock climbing, got me the job at the rock wall at my school there, and Dustin opened up the world of what was possible with the sport, taking me climbing to places I’d never been before.

When things got really tough in 2016, Dustin and Michelle took me in and gave me a bed to sleep in, a backyard to relax in, two dogs to snuggle with, and an amazing set of friends all built into one little house. I was still struggling immensely, but I had a web of support around me for the first time in my life. I can never repay them for that.

Once the semester was over, I dropped out of school, and dropped off the face of the planet, leaving everyone behind. I didn’t want to bother them with my issues, completely avoiding any history where they had helped me considerably through those very same issues. I left behind all my friends and tried to bury my feelings in Rochester. For a few years I was just going through the motions, trying to get better so I could return to Mankato stronger for the people that made me feel at home for the first time.

I lived with my grandpa once I dropped out of school, he had broken his hip, and my family didn’t want him going to a home. I was working full time, taking care of my grandpa (read bribing him with muffins to shower), and raising a puppy for my first year back in Rochester.

In April of 2017, I was taking Miah out late at night, and she ran into my grandpa’s room like she usually did, to jump up on his bed and lick him until she got a reaction out of him. This time she jumped up, and I didn’t hear him yelling “MIRAH STOP” for the first time. I rushed into the room, flipped on the light, and saw an empty bed. I found him laying next to his bed on the floor, barely conscious, and called 911. He died less than a week later in the ICU due to a brain bleed.

I hardly took any pictures or videos of him, and now he was gone. I forgot to take my meds the following two weeks, and was in absolute shambles. Walking into the house, empty, not greeted by my grandpa tapping his wrist with no watch on it, was uncomfortable. No Judge Judy, no Grey’s Anatomy, just silence. O’Malley would jump down from wherever he was perched and rub against my leg, and I would hear Miah wake up upstairs. The next few months droned on, feeling like a sort of limbo as I watched over the house, the cat, and a dog.

I was in and out of social media, not really paying attention to anything but doom scrolling. I knew Michelle and Dustin were going to be having a baby, and I remember seeing the posts when their daughter was finally born. I checked out again for nearly 9 months before I found out Michelle had passed. I ran into Dustin at Costco a month or two later, hugged him, and saw their daughter in a carriage. I nearly asked where Michelle was. I was climbing at the local gym 6 months later where two people from Mankato happened to be climbing, and I mentioned getting Michelle and Dustin to host another Friendsgiving when their faces just dropped. They sat me down and told me what happened. I sat there for a few minutes swimming in every thought swirling around in my head, and in more than likely a state of shock, just kept climbing. Those moments haven’t left my mind since.

The guilt of not knowing about Michelle’s passing has eaten at me since, and spending an entire weekend celebrating a musician’s life only aggravated it. To say Michelle was a huge positive force in my life, and still is to this day, would be an understatement. I can not put into words what Michelle, Dustin, and everyone else from that time in my life means to me, and how appreciative I am to have known them.

Give your friends their flowers while they are still alive and can still smell them. And please, for the love of all that is good in this world, take pictures and videos of your friends and loved ones, because one day they may be your most cherished memories.

Thank you. Memento Mori.

Wyatt Ryan 9/11/21 Wyatt Ryan 9/11/21

A New Beginning

I’m currently sitting here in my new apartment in Mankato, finally going down the path I set my eyes on years ago. I’ll be graduating in two years with two degrees, Multimedia Technology, and Interdisciplinary Studies. I tacked on the Bachelor’s of Science in Interdisciplinary Studies because, financially, it made the most sense since it would make me a “full time” student, and that helps a ton with grants and scholarship money.

A 9 foot roll of paper on two stands serves as my photo studio. Everything in the living room serves a purpose for either work or photography, with the newest addition being Miah’s bed where the vacuum is in this photo. The closet is absolutely filled to the brim with photography gear, and I can’t really see it serving any other purpose anytime soon.

I’ve got to say, while I’m glad I waited to go back to school full time, it’s incredibly strange being back in Mankato. The last time I was living here, I was in the midst of one of the deepest depressions I’ve ever been in, and my biggest fear of living here is falling back into that state.

Everyone I knew and was friends with when I lived here originally is long gone, so the only one I really have around is Miah. She has certainly kept me occupied, going on 4+ hikes or walks a day around the neighborhood or at one of the local parks. So far she has kept me very well grounded, and I am so glad I brought her with me, as I don’t think I would be able to do this without her.

Since she’s the one I’m constantly around, of course she was the first subject I had using my new photo studio I built out in this small, one bedroom apartment.

The yoga mats originally served as Miah’s resting place before I brought her bed over, and when we did our little test shoot they made the paper crunch under her weight, which she did not like at all. I’ve since moved them, and can move around everything else as needed. The biggest issue I have with the photo studio is having to turn the A/C off when I’m using it, which makes the apartment hot very quickly. Thankfully it will be fall soon and that won’t be as much as an issue shortly.

All in all, I’m really happy to be finally started on this journey, and the end of the new beginning is already in sight.

Wyatt Ryan 3/24/20 Wyatt Ryan 3/24/20

COVID-19 and Some Goals

The last two weeks have been absolutely insane, and I have no doubt in my mind that this will be our new normal for at least a few months. As of writing this sentence, the total number of documented cases of COVID-19 in the United States is just under 45 thousand.

Last Tuesday (3/17) I got the news that Mayo Clinic would be cancelling all elective surgeries and appointments that weren’t absolutely necessary, so I wasn’t sure I would have a job this week. As of writing, my position at Mayo has completely changed from rooming patients and scheduling appointments, to screening patients and employees as they walk in the building. Temperature checks have begun on every person coming in, with multiple screening questions asked before we determine if they can go to their appointment, or need to go be tested for the coronavirus.

Throughout the last week, I volunteered for multiple different positions dealing with the outbreak, and Thursday (3/19) around 3:45pm, I was told I would be working 12pm-7pm screening patients every day for the foreseeable future. This started the next day. Every day, and damn near every hour, protocols for screening have changed. I currently have been working since Monday the 16th, and will continue to work my 12-7 shift until the 29th. Thankfully they added in a rotation, so I will luckily have 7 days off after the 29th, and have a weekly rotation start after that. That 7 days on, 7 days off rotation is where these goals come into play.

I’m going to try and be as productive as possible with those days off, but after working 14 days straight, I imagine I’ll be sleeping a lot on that first day just trying to recover from the total exhaustion I’m experiencing now.

My biggest goal during the time off will be learning how to shoot and edit video. There are tons of free programs available for video editing. I’m excited to dive in, but also a little overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in the world, as I’m sure everyone else is. Besides my goal of learning how to shoot and edit video, my other goals are to catch up on sleep, learn some different lighting techniques (pictured above), tire Miah out, and get out to shoot some possible content for these videos.

If anyone has any requests for content, please comment below and I’ll see what I can do! One idea I have at the moment is developing film, and showing the process I go through, but that might be towards the end of my 7 days as I learn to cut together video. Otherwise, l’ll probably take some video of me and Miah doing some training, or random hiking around Minnesota.

Hopefully everyone is getting through this as best as they can, and starting to adapt to our new normal. I’ll update as often as possible, and until then, everyone stay safe and wash your damn hands.

Wyatt Ryan 12/30/19 Wyatt Ryan 12/30/19

A Year (almost) With the Fujifilm X-Pro 2

This is going to be my first foray into reviewing a digital camera, as I’ve mostly shot film for the last two years. Specs will come first, because anybody can simply look them up their own, so I’ll keep it quick and easy.

I will be drawing comparisons between the Fuji and my old Canon 5D Mark II throughout the review since it’s the only other digital camera I have used.

Specs

24 Megapixel X-Trans III ASP-C Sensor (1.5x Crop)

Weather Sealed

Mirrorless

Hybrid Optical Viewfinder + Electronic View Finder (OVF/EVF)

Dual Card Slots - One UHS II compatible

Well, that’s enough of that nonsense.

Handling & Useability

Coming from a Canon DSLR was a weird transition. Canon is renowned for their phenomenal grips, something Fuji has only addressed in the X-H1, GFX 50S, and GFX 100S. Most of their cameras come with grips that are seriously lacking security while in the hand. I love the feeling of a solid grip, so I ended up buying a used grip from Fuji (pictured).

The grips on Fujis aren’t great by any means, but the feel of the camera in your hand is very reassuring to the build quality. It eeks quality the moment you pick it up, and people are always surprised how heavy it is.

Fuji has done a phenomenal job of putting everything you could possibly need, right on top of the camera. Aperture is controlled on the lens. Shutter speed, ISO, and exposure compensation are all on the top plate.

I do with that the aperture ring on the lenses were a tiny bit sturdier, as I’ve accidentally bumped it onto something else on numerous occasions. The shutter speed dial is solid and out of the way while taking photos, and locks when in A.

Colorado Springs, Colorado. My Harry Potter glasses are on the side of the road if anyone wants to go look for them.

The exposure compensation dial definitely needs to be more stiff, as I’m constantly bumping it and changing it. Fuji really needs to make it a locking dial, as it’s something I tend not to change while I’m shooting. It would also be advantageous for it to be recessed more into the body like the shutter speed dial. It’s a pain in the ass, but nowhere near as bad as the ISO dial.

Now, onto the infamous ISO dial. It’s supposed to be a throwback to the film cameras with a similar method of setting the ISO, though I’ve never personally had one like that. To change the ISO, you lift up on the collar around the shutter speed dial, and twist it. I shoot with my left eye in the viewfinder, so this is basically impossible to do with the camera up to my eye. I was hoping they would get rid of it on the X-Pro 3, but alas, it’s a no go.

Other than those gripes with the dials, the camera feels great in the hand, and it’s light and small enough that I can take it just about anywhere without a second thought.

The hybrid OVF/EVF is what most people are looking for when they purchase the X-Pro series. Both the OVF and EVF have their benefits and negatives, and I’ll cover the most blatantly obvious ones to me.

The Optical Viewfinder is nice and clear, provides frame lines for the associated lens, and shows whatever information (you pick it out in the menu) you want along the sides of the frame. That information is displayed pretty small, and not always the easiest to see in brighter conditions. You are able to see outside the frame lines, so capturing a moment should be easier since you can see things lining up. Manual focus isn’t possible with the OVF, as it’s the first thing I tried to do when I held the camera in store, though it’s super easy with the EVF and the focus assist turned on.

The Electronic Viewfinder is of decent quality. EVF’s benefit from the fact that you’re seeing exactly what the photo is going to look like when you click the shutter. Change any setting on your camera, and your EVF will show you how that changes the photo. The EVF inside the X-Pro 2 tends to have a lot of trouble with high contrast scenes, and doesn’t always show you the most true representation of what the sensor is capturing. I tend to either use the OVF or live view on the back of the camera. Newer mirrorless cameras apparently have phenomenal EVF’s, showing better contrast, detail, and with faster refresh rates.

Switching between the EVF and OVF is simple enough, just flick the switch on the front of the camera with your right trigger finger. A huge issue I have with the X-Pro 2 in general concerning the EVF/OVF, is the mode button next to it. It gets accidentally pressed, changing how the viewfinder works. Sometimes it blacks out the LCD screen. Sometimes it blocks off usage of the viewfinders. It would be a million times better to have that buried in the settings (which they did on the X-Pro 3) instead of having it’s own button. If you ever turn your camera on and the LCD doesn’t pop up, try cycling through the modes and it’ll probably come up.

Image Quality

It’s good. It’s super good. The Fuji files in combination with Capture One blow me away every time. Bringing up the shadows reveals good detail, with little noise at most ISO’s. Images are easily useable up to 6,400, something that can’t be said for the Canon. The Canon’s limit is right around 1,600, and anything higher than that starts to degrade quickly.

Unprocessed files have a lot of potential if needed, but I’ve found the colors and contrast just need a tiny boost to be at a level I like. Reds seem to pop the most, but the sensor gives a really good baseline for editing. This next photo, I barely had to change anything, partially do to the fact that the light was damn near perfect.

I like contrasty images, so I left the road darker. I could have pulled up the shadows a bit and therefore showed more details in the road, but I didn’t feel it added to the photo at all. Like I mentioned above, I typically just boost the contrast and saturation a bit, and leave everything else as is.

The more I shoot with this camera, the more comfortable I get shooting with the optical viewfinder. I typically shoot in Aperture Priority (set the aperture, let the camera choose shutter speed) and set the exposure compensation to -1 or -1.5 to preserve the highlights. I know I can draw the shadows up easily if need be while not blowing out the highlights. This next photo is a great example, as Miah was just a dark shadow before I started processing the file.

The shadows tend to have a lot of information in them even when underexposed by 2 to 3 stops, which I can’t say for the highlights. I’ve found that I can recover a bit of information in the highlights, up to 1 stop over exposed, but beyond that, you’ll blow them.

Early Fall. Root River Park outside of Rochester, Minnesota.

I was able to pull back the highlights in the sky to reveal more a bit more blue on the right side of the image. If I pulled them back too far, the sun stopped looking like a sun, and more like a random orb in the sky. Pulling back the highlights in the sky too much will give it a fake look (which some people like). If the sun is going to be in the photo, you should try and make it actually look like the sun.

Pahrump, Nevada. Martin the Old Man Manual Mazda. Death Valley off in the distance.

Overall, I really do love using this camera, though I still much prefer my film cameras for more serious work. It is great for everything from snapshots to more serious work, though I don’t think you’ll see anybody shooting with it in a professional studio environment. I actually bought a flash and some studio equipment to learn more about lighting, taking some interesting self portraits in the process.

Now about four years old, it’s definitely still a very capable camera. Though I have my issues with it (like anyone will with any camera) I do enjoy using it and I’m glad I picked it up to become my new main digital camera. I’ll probably trade it for a Fuji X-H1 eventually, as that camera has a much larger grip, which is something I would prefer over the measly grip of the X-Pro 2. Until then, I’ll keep shooting with it and enjoying it while I can.

NOW, onto more photos.

Monterey, California. Just north of Big Sur.

Chloe, Eye Autofocus - On. Twin Cities, Minnesota.

Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Also somewhere in the middle of California.

Miah’s Birthday, Interstate State Park, Minnesota.

Wyatt Ryan 8/22/19 Wyatt Ryan 8/22/19

Comfort Zone

Over the past few months, I’ve begun to realize how much I really love taking photos of people. Taking a photo of someone I know well makes the whole process incredibly easy, as they’re already relaxed. I’ve also realized that street photography (think candid moments of total strangers) terrifies the hell out of me. I’ve been working on it with some of my smaller point and shoots, and occasionally my medium format cameras, but the whole thing is a little nerve wracking.

Shot with the Bronica ETRsi, Sunny 16, self developed and scanned. Fuji PRO400H

Street photography requires quick actions to capture the moment, and typically the image becomes more powerful when the subject of the photograph is in some way interacting with you.

But, I’m an introvert, so interacting with total strangers is an absolute no-no for me. I’d much rather just sit back and wait for something to unfold in front of me. As I think shows in the photo below, it works sometimes.

Just sat and waited. Canon Sure Shot. Kodak Portra 400.

Another personality trait that I so graciously acquired, perfectionism. I hate failure, so if I don’t think I’ll succeed fully at something, I might quit at it halfway through just to avoid that failure. I’ve written about failure before, and also the benefits of recognizing those failures.

Performing in Madison, WI. Canon Sure Shot. Kodak Portra 400.

So to stick with the spirit of failing and pushing my personal boundaries, I’m going to give myself a challenge for the next thirty days. Take one portrait, of one stranger, each and every day. Just the thought of it makes me uncomfortable, which is exactly the reason I should, and need to do this. I’ve done weird little personal projects from time to time, but never anything so far out of my comfort zone.

It starts today, so expect to see another blog post pertaining to this one in about a month and a half. Until then, enjoy some more random photos :)